I’m a firm believer in the idea of happy coincidences. I also believe in bad ones. So rather, I supposed I’m a believer in things happening. Daily events, the status quo – you have my full support.
On the thumbs-up days, I am of course excited. Like the time I found a zombie-face tomato in my garden, or when I interviewed a real life Gladiator. (The American kind – although both versions wear precarious shapes of leather.) For these reasons and because I give my change to the Salvation Army, Fate, sometimes loves me –actual Fate, not the girl I once met in college asking where she could purchase intravenous drugs. What is it about cardigans and ballerina flats that screams, “I SELL DRUGS?”
Other times Fate is a real life ruiner, like when the State of Kansas forced me to trade in my perfectly good license plate for a more stupid looking one.
But today is about happy finds.
World, I give to you my list of favorite, amazing, best reads of my life, blogs – all of which were found by incredible coincidences. They are so supremely ballin’ that I like to think that, had Oprah put blogs in her favorite things, they would have been on top of the list.
First up, the Joan Rivers of 80s sitcoms: Huxtable Hotness. An especially happy find, this gem popped up in my search for pictures of Cosby sweaters. All it took was my reading its description and I was hooked like a catfish on a hunk of stink bait.
The writer also shares a distaste for Sondra, the eldest and mysteriest-est Cosby child, a fact that bonds us even further. “… explicit reference is made to the family having four children. (A better choice, in my opinion…)”
It’s Mission: The blog outlines – intricately – each episode of The Cosby Show, providing pictures and clever commentary along the way. Shoulder pads, baggy neon prints, oversized watches (“Theo’s watch could stand to lose a few pounds”), and children who don’t allow fabrics to fall near wrist level – it’s a wonder this blog hasn’t existed for years. There are simply too many important topics to ignore; I want to sit down and read the Hotness every day. But mostly, I just want to watch The Cosby Show.*
[pictures of sweaters]
Next, I present to you Muggle Hustle.
One of my great obsessions in life is Harry Potter; finding a satirical comedian outline the books in Tweets (and later a website) was like a Tuesday miracle. Because really, who doesn’t think that Mad Eye Moody is a huge creep? Who wasn’t confused when reading a 734-page book and finding that the Goblet of Fire required only three tasks?
Sure my dog stares, wondering why I’m cackling loudly at my computer screen, but whatever, Golden Retriever, it’s worth the judging.
A few highlights:
“It’s Friday, thuggles. Accio bad decisions.”
“When it comes to Lucio and Draco, the douche apple doesn’t fall far from the barf tree.”
“If I could be any two characters in Harry Potter it would be Peeves and Peeves’ understudy.”
And not related to HP: “I got a new bed today. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye to my dinosaur sheets OH WAIT IT’S NOT BECAUSE I’M TOTALLY KEEPING THEM.”
Other than the fact that I hate Texas (the mysterious author’s home state and point of pride) and the seemingly stuck caps lock, it’s a solid gold mine.
Next up, Wolf Gnards. This site was found in my search for stats about Full House** where I practically tripped over my favorite blog post ever, “Greek Tragedy: The True Paternity of the Girls on Full House.” Yes, it’s that good. It’s that funny. And it’s that scientific and well planned.
Here’s a sliver:
“Remember [Uncle Joey] is the man that rocked Alanis Morissette’s world. She wrote like 3000 hit songs about the passion that is Dave Coulier. She had a fever and the only cure was more Dave Coulier. Let us never forget that Ryan Reynolds dumped her, too, but I don’t remember any hit songs about that.
Dave Coulier > Ryan Reynolds.”
Lastly comes honorable mention site, The Slavic Inferno.
Reasons for not making the solid list: it’s semi creepy and most posts are moving pictures, sans caption. But most of its minuses come from being a Tumblr. Gross.
However, the site’s saving point is its blog on Doc Brown, how he is the real villain from Back to the Future. In a sea of awkward memes sit random posts that are actually worth reading. I let you decide whether or not they’re worth fishing out.
Unfortunately, that’s it. Why? Because when I tried adding to this list, I was looking for good blogs, which by definition meant I only found crap. Small but mighty, I’ll mark this list as the young David of all things blog.
*When I asked my friend Dr. Cooper if he likes the Coz, he responded with a standard, “Bibbity boppity bibble.” This is why we’re friends.
**How many semi-relateds can live under a single roof?